AnesthesiaDVD - 2016
From the critics
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A thinker who predates Darwin and dares suggest that an objective analysis of what it is to live as a human. A thinking sentient being whose sole trajectory is toward the grave. Particularly once children have been reared would have us perhaps choose not to be born at all. Imagine that. Better not to live than to live and suffer.
But Eros seduces us not only into striving for the falsely ethereal, but worse, propagating and thereby subjecting another generation to the same suffering we endure. In short, to love and reproduce is at some level a sinister enterprise because we deposit offspring into such a shitty world.
The thing about Bobby is he's an auditory learner more than a visual one.
*** bad math ***
"Find the ratio of radius to circumference..."
-It's Pi r to Pi r squared.
- That's so easy.
(Wrong, the ratio of r to circumference is 2 Pi as circumference = 2 Pi r)
I, uh, I miss you. I want to come home.
- That's not gonna be so simple. For either of us. Forgetting that you're not even in China.
- Forgetting where you really are. Probably the City for all I know. I don't even care at this point which is terrifying in itself. I'm not gonna be what I've turned into anymore.
Neither am I.
- I don't believe you, Sam. Anymore than you believe me.
Sarah, it's been a strange night.
- It should go without saying that I don't really wanna know.
No, it's not like that, I'll... I'll explain it when we uh...
- I don't want to see you right now, Sam. You wanna come home? Let's discuss it when you were supposed to come back from China. Okay. And start thinking if this is
where you really wanna be.
What are you gonna do? Wake up and not have any idea.
-I've got a decade left, maybe two. I want possibility.
-It's all you've ever done.
And my life has been incredibly fulfilling. I've been decent, honest, loyal. I've worked hard.
I've also been perpetually and resolutely safe. It's a threshold, Marcia. There for a moment, then gone. I've spent my life delving into what it all means. I wanna see for myself without the reassurance of young adoration.
-And will it be alright if I still adore you?
More essential than ever.
What's of course hypocritical is we're all alike.
- How's that?
Over-educated, irrepressibly ambitious. Moved out to the suburbs, thought it would be perfect but without the bank or the law firm or whatever what's left, but to polish our children and obsess over every little offense.
At the heart of human interaction is the agreement that we're all going to fabricate.
Which is to say, agree on certain precepts we call truths but would be utter nonsense
to anyone not in on the game. Consider language. We call an elephant an elephant
with a certainty that will go so far as to marginalize even ostracize those who refuse.
Society depends zealously on this, so we can structure it. In this case, communicate with one another even as each of us has his or her own disposition toward elephants.
Why should philosophy in any form be different? Because ultimately who really cares? Everyone, regardless of how few want to try to understand it, which is why I've spent my life gorgeously and so can you. ... Why have you done this to yourself, Sophie?
- To know that I'm here.
May I ask how?
- Curling iron mostly.
If to be wounded is to exist... you're giving yourself a pretty narrow endgame.
The lower and upper sepals are for protection. This petal is the labellum and it's always the largest. It lies flat like that to make it comfortable for pollinators. All that beauty is... is just about making more of them.
The Greeks had it right. We're just atoms. But who knows? In your lifetime, not mine, thank goodness we'll perhaps become immortal.
-You believe in that stuff?
Our thoughts anyway. Measurable in bits. Everything reducible to two symbols or their absence. I used to believe in nothing. Now I believe in everything.
-My problem is how all of this degrades our appetite to keep asking what it could all mean.
All you have to do is use the word dichotomy and he'll eat out of your hand.
- I still don't know what that word means.
He actually misuses it. Specifically it's the rhetorical contrasting of 2 opposing or divergent ideas, thus, the prefix dicho, 2 and then tomy, meaning to cut.
It concentrated me... to the exclusion of everything else.
- And that was good?
It was like a drug.
- What's everything else?
The world has just become... so inhuman. Everyone's plugged in. Blindingly inarticulate obsessed with money, their careers stupidly, arrogantly content. I can't talk to them. I fight them. I wanna destroy them even. I crave interaction. I crave it. But you just can't anymore. They pull their devices out for every little thing to reinforce their petty, convenient notions. To decide where they are going to shop what they're gonna eat, what movies they are gonna watch everything they ingest.
Okay. It's like this is all a game and I haven't been told what the rules are. Or even worse, if I had. I am ill-equipped to follow them. All I can do is provoke. I become spiteful. I'm just as bad as they are. They? I'm, I'm worse.
We were just out of school... living uptown. We both had really lucrative job offers. She was gonna maybe go to London. Chose the Far East instead to be with me.
The next logical step was marriage and kids... and we just did that, kind of without even discussing it. 2 hyper-educated young adults making the most significant decision in life without a single real conversation. We talked about movies we saw
more than the meaning of a future together. I remember being, um... what would the word be... frozen when she was pregnant the first time. I thought... oh... you know, something is definitely over.
Difficult man, but obviously smart.
- Joe's smarter. Would be tough to argue that right at this moment.
You don't seem to like Joe much.
- I love Joe. I spent 4 years confronting the tragedy that is Joe. Smart? Imagine what he could have been.
I love having kids. I get home, you know, usually too late for dinner. She's... into her third drink and I have about an hour before the girls have to go to bed and I go into their rooms with a plate, and I-I don't leave. Most of our interactions these days
consist of algebra and whatever self-consciously multi-cultural book they're reading at the time. As they get older, they get... quieter. The older one, Allie, she's, uh, she's getting belligerent.
- ... Can I just have this chair until whoever you're waiting for gets here?
I didn't say that I was waiting for anyone.
- Okay, I get it. Um, excuse me, may I please have this chair?
Why didn't you just ask in the first place?
- ... I need this chair and you clearly don't.
Who are you to determine what I need?
- Alright, you keep your fxcking chair. It's the only empty seat in here but you could stare at it while you're killing fxcking trees.
My book is used.
- Yeah? Well you're a selfish, lonely bitch.
Mrs. Silver is nationally renowned.
As a violin teacher. And your school happens to have the top strings program in the country. You know, families move to Englewood just to go there.
-Is that why we moved to Englewood?
No. I mean, I did check out the school, but... Don't you like New Jersey?
- I hate New Jersey.
I love it.
- You're a moron.
I wanted change.
- So dad could be gone half the time and you could get drunk every night?
Don't you ever talk to me like that again especially in front of your little sister. You might be a fxcked up little monster, but she isn't.
-Well, like you say, mom smart people, girls especially, are all fxcked up.
You think I'm drinking too much? It's just wine mostly.
-I think you're not happy. Not happy in the city working. Not happy in New Jersey not working.
What happened to a child like you?
Once you must was a good boy. Done what him told. How you gone so wrong?
-I was 14... in the basement of my best friend's house in Maryland, me and him snuck a bottle of Sambuca down there, finished it between us. I ain't never looked back. This ain't Sambuca. Discovered the good stuff a lot later.
And your friend?
- Now he a fancy nigger lawyer who don't answer my calls.
Maybe him busy with him life.
- Oh, yeah?
You can't see you in charge of yourself. You can't do nothin'.
- Do you think I don't know that?
Did you honk at me, Sarah?
- I did, Marta.
Un-fucking believable. And what if I needed to speak to Joan?
- Uh, you could e-mail her.
Maybe I need to speak with her in person because my son is having trouble.
- Hire a tutor like the rest of us.
How do I know what to say to the tutor if I can't speak to his teacher?
- Which brings us back to e-mail.
I learn more in person. Inflections. Like I'm learning what a shrew you are right now.
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